geranium maderense in spring sunshine
When it comes, long awaited breakthrough is surprisingly unassuming and still unexpected. How can you ever expect that which you previously couldn't imagine?
I spent two years breaking my heart, trying to build a business around my energy and self-development work and failing. Hard yards all of them, priceless experience. The painful and essential realisation that for me the industry sector I'd chosen felt rotten to the core, even as it is full of amazing people giving beautiful service with love and dedication. It is good for them, and not good for me. Drop-kick time.
I drop kicked. Lost some money. Let go. Free-fell into a vacuum of not knowing anything about anything at the beginning of 2016 and in the end simply became accomplished at staying there. Not knowing what shape my future would take, nor how I would increase my insufficient income.
I did what my hands found to do. Delivered value to my website administration clients, savoured the richness of collaborating with wonderful people at Webstruxure Ltd. Thank you Ian Edwards for recognising my talent and literally releasing me from a dead-end work situation. Opening a gateway through which I stepped into an utterly new life, and then standing by me far more than I had any right to expect.
It has been a strange experience to be so valued, and two years later I still sometimes flip into fear that the rug will be pulled from beneath me. But not very often, and not for long. By now I know the integrity of the man.
magnolia Sayonara in my back garden
So here's the shift - after so long having turned my back on business in New Zealand it seems that's where things are going to start happening.
Following a trail of breadcrumbs
A couple of months back I joined Chrysalis for Women, which is a local women's business network. It's a good fit for me, with the majority of members operating very small businesses themselves and spinning many other plates at the same time. The focus is practical, friendly, and business savvy.
Along with a guest speaker and time for networking, at each meeting everyone gets to promote themselves for 60 seconds. Which begged the question - what to promote when I have no business?? After thought I chose the only thing I have been consistently doing this year, which is writing and website administration.
Really? I'm a writer?
I took the attitude that I'm done bending over backwards to try to make things work, they either do or they don't. So rather rebelliously, I had no relevant business card and nothing online for people to see. I just decided to 'fly a kite', and see what happened.
in Wellington with 30 minutes to spare, bright kowhai flowers invited capture
Long story short there appears to be demand for my sales and marketing copy-writing skills. It makes sense - every business needs to tell its story and tell it well, but most business-people are not writers.
The interest is enough to warrant a new page on my website and updated business cards. Watch this space, those jobs are next on my list after completing this blog post! Plus I had fun overhauling a brochure for another member, which gives me a 'before and after' to show off. I also gave away a couple of hours of writing in a business card draw, which connected me to a lovely lady who needs exactly what I can do!
So I'll follow the trail of breadcrumbs and see what happens. Don't congratulate me yet I haven't made a cent, but it is refreshing to see tangible interest.
Am I also, in fact, a coach?
Here's another fascinating potential. I met a lovely woman who helps others with personal training, wellbeing, nutrition, weight-loss, and dealing with being our age! At the most recent meeting we met, talked, clicked, and agreed we definitely needed to meet again and continue the conversation. Later I decided to offer her a gift session with ensyth and I, and then I learned she's looking to add a transformational/block shifting element to her comprehensive and holistic process, and so is curious to see if what I do might fit. Regardless, doing the session will be a treat for both of us because I so rarely get to do this lovely work. Who knows this too may change. More breadcrumbs.
Or a wannabe TV personality?
I've even been to a local TV studio with a friend to brainstorm a possible idea for a TV series (long story about how that connection happened). The idea wasn't laughed out of the room because we all agree there's a nugget of something there which could work. Yes there are many hoops to jump through and it will only happen if it's really meant to be. We remain curious and take the next step.
then drawn to the lapping and dancing light at the waterfront
Do you recall, last month I wondered whether energy work would become obsolete for me? I have an answer now. Yes. And no. But that's not 'an' answer is it? Let's do one at a time.
Yes, energy work has become obsolete
In truth, for me, energy work doesn't really exist anymore. Because energy work was and is only ever about changing that which generates our Field, and in our physicality, that is our neurology. And recently I've learned a way to interact with and alter my neurology (and thereby my Field) which is more effective for me than energy work ever was.
The Field? In other words, our aura, energy shells, quantum energies, resonance, whatever words you use, the Field is the broadcast each of us sends out to the Universe every moment we are in a body.
ripples, reflections, patterns, waves, like the Field
Although 'broadcast' is not an accurate description of how I experience my Field, because that word suggests it's coming out of me and going somewhere. When in fact it's a quantum thing and the instant it is in me it is universally everywhere and everywhen, all at once. Which makes it impossible to fake or change in transmission. Your Field just is what it is until the instant you change it, and it's anchored into your three dimensional experience through the neurology of your heart and your brain.
A more effective tool
So why would I keep on working with intention, interacting with my fears and sorrows, taking minutes and hours and days and weeks and years to painstakingly scale off layer after layer of deeply scored challenges and trauma when I can use a simple technique (which I still can't share with you, waiting, waiting for ducks to line up) to erase the neurological anchor for my problem in minutes, or perhaps hours?
I look back at what I do in a session with ensyth and realise I've been walking away from energy work for years. Now I only want to help people drive their own neurology and Field, and thereby, do their own energy work, change their own reality. I only add energetic support when it's required and that's about three percent of the time. No wonder nobody wants to do energy work with me, I don't do energy work!
No, energy work hasn't become obsolete
The premise is still valid. The techniques still work. I still notice energy, still feel it when I do tai-chi, or teach, or work with a group of people, or, for that matter, write. It's as basic as breathing, and the information I receive from knowing how to interact with and understand energy is priceless.
I just have a better way to create change in myself now.
my shadow and reflections at Wellington waterfront
It's like I've been carving a beautiful block of granite with a cold chisel and a mallet. I know how to get results with those tools although it seemed there were some things I couldn't do no matter how hard I tried. In retrospect it was slow and inefficient, but I became a master craftsman using those tools.
Now somebody has given me a laser carving tool and suddenly there's unimaginable freedom. It's like flying after you've been crawling on your knees for 20 years.
Only experience makes a master
Understand this: I wouldn't be nearly as good with the laser if I hadn't mastered the mallet and the cold chisel.
I wouldn't understand the grain of my stone, wouldn't know the fine gradations and variations in my makeup. Wouldn't appreciate the requirement for sensitivity which is imposed by basic tools. Might become arrogant and abuse my much increased power. Or start taking shortcuts. Or not realise how carefully I must approach some parts of the creation, step by step, roundabout, gently, not being in a hurry.
wild cherry flowers
So I still find great satisfaction and value in teaching others how to do energy work. Why? Because when you learn how to do energy work you learn how to sense yourself. How to connect with yourself. How to know what you're experiencing and be safe with it no matter what it is. How to be present with yourself. So it naturally follows you become capable of being present with others if you choose to be.
There is untold value in that, because it doesn't matter how good you are at your chosen healing technique, if you can't be present with yourself you'll never get to the heart of whatever you want to shift. And you certainly won't be able to be present with another so they can get to the heart of their puzzle and create change.
Glimpses of life beyond
A pattern begins to form from disparate puzzle pieces. I'm a many headed beast. I administer websites. I cleanse and manipulate data. I write, edit, create promotional copy. I take beautiful photographs. I love to teach; anything I understand I can communicate. So I run a weekly tai-chi class in town, and I run monthly workshops with my dear friend Graham Sim of GKS Holism, where we teach others how to navigate themselves, how to connect with themselves, how to find their own strength and peace.
It's taken me a long time to realise I can't splice all these offerings together into something that looks contiguous, and then to realise ... I don't care! So I'll have my Writing page and I'll have my Sessions page and whatever else and my website can just be like I am. Many faceted.
If folks want what I offer, as long as everything is clear and easy to find it's all good, and I can do that. If they don't want my services it doesn't matter anyway.
showy tui, bright gold kowhai, spring blue sky
It's taken me two and a half years to understand that while I'm exquisitely good at working with energy to help others create change, it's not for me to build a business around that skill. And now I no longer wish to do so.
Rather my awareness and sensitivity informs the other things I do and makes me useful to people who would otherwise not go near energy work. Instead, every interaction, each conversation, that's where I work energy, support change. Support people where they are, often without them even realising it.
It's a sweet and unexpected freedom. But it smells of sunshine and meadowflowers and all the breadcrumbs lead that way.