it's the end of Time, and a glorious day's end from Newlands, Wellington
I'm done chasing the clock. I've decided time pressure doesn't exist, it's illusion, just bullshit.
This morning I took time out to go slow after two busy days, full of hiccups and extra things to fit in and interruptions. All caught and handled and flowingly passed on and through, no problem, because I decided it was going to be like that. It was also exquisite to stop.
This morning to shift my brain into a Gamma state so as to access my infinite knowing, and do some creative work around the sharp discomfort I've been noticing around Time.
Feeling into time pressure, realising the fear wasn't about getting things done at all. Because I know I do and will.
When time pressure has nothing to do with time
Was actually about how having too much to do might affect my ability to look after myself, my fears about how long it takes to enjoy exercise and do yoga and prepare beautiful food and take time out to rest and all the things I regularly do to take care of myself and my body.
My self-care. Cherishing and supporting me. Not wanting to compromise that.
each droplet of Time a jewel in a nebula of spider silk
Last year I worked so hard for so long doing all the wrong stuff, I got weary to my core. I will not go there again, not even doing 'the right stuff'. Because if I work that hard doing the right stuff it immediately becomes the wrong stuff anyway.
Fear enough. I get why I'm noticing the sharp stabs of "no-no-no-no-no!"
Smashing the clock
Then the insight, from my infinite knowing.
Deeply realising everything is ebb and flow and I can safely race along and then when the flow stops or reverses, laugh at all of it, realise this is exactly how it needs to be right now.
It's not about having time for everything or having enough time.
Time is nothing, it doesn't exist, it's some linear concept to which we subscribe in order to be born and I'm officially stepping out of it.
Only one moment left
There's just now, only now, and dancing with the speed and slow of that and trusting it so utterly and deeply as to find no fear in whatever manifests each moment, only my choice to dance completely and whole-heartedly, or walk away and choose another dance.
Letting go whenever I feel the urgency to push, to hurry, I must get this done.
maybe not ... the cat dares me to hurry ... if I can be bothered
Not. It's nothing.
Deep releasing here, I'll be practicing this for a while before I get really, irreverently, even rebelliously good at it.
I'm changing the way I use email. You'll hear from me, but it will be irregular. If you consult all the email marketing gurus, you're supposed to be like clockwork. Except the clockwork treadmill became a millstone around my neck and nearly drowned me.
I'm having so much more fun doing Live videos on Facebook, so email is going to happen when I have time. I'm smashing up the old email marketing template because it doesn't serve me.
But I do want to keep in touch with you.
Sometimes I'll send digests of my daily videos, like these:
Sometimes I'll send a 'real' blog post like this one, sometimes an invitation to play in my space, and sometimes you won't hear from me.
I'm gonna be standing on my head, breaking all the rules about regular emailing and posting schedules. Stuff that, I'm doing it wrong because it feels so right to do it this way.
If you like irregular, please change nothing. I'll be in your Inbox in perfectly irregular Time.
If you want daily downloads of tools, insights and energy from ensyth and me, connect with me on Facebook, 'cos that's where all the action is!
If you feel no alignment with where I'm at now, bless you, you're welcome to unsubscribe.
autumn Time shimmers in cherry leaves decked with dew
I'm standing on my pile of broken rules, waving a shimmering and multi-coloured banner
It makes intricate and gorgeous patterns in the air and you can see air currents spinning off fractal eddies and waves and flurries. Sunbeams and flutterbies and floating petals and iridescent feathers weave in and out and around and the whole thing is totally out of control, and perfectly created in the moment.
This is my stake in the ground. This is how I choose to live now.
No doubt the strength of my choice will be tested.
And in each moment I will find the entire resource required to meet it in fullness.